Getting to Know Who Levi Really Is.

I know you're probably wondering about the fern. Right? Well, I'm really excited about that fern in a really huge way!

I have not had any type of potted plants in our home since Levi was a toddler. He has always been driven to dig out the dirt in the planters and sprinkle it all over everything in the room: couches, tables, carpets, windows and sills. Levi's never done this to be naughty, although at a glance, someone may think so.

 Thank God it didn't take us long to realize that in Levi's eyes, everything becomes a canvas. A canvas, not just to create masterpieces, but a way to experience his world, a way to make his world more predictable, a way to shut-out the things that are causing too much sensory-overload and a way to experiment with his senses and how they relate to that medium. How does that black soil look as he flicks the dirt across the red couch? Does it sprinkle across the top of the cushion as a fine powder, or does it land with a light thud the way a clump of brown sugar would? How does it sound, smell, feel and taste? If he mixes it with his saliva, it becomes a way to paint on the windowpane. All the while, taking care of himself in a way to make life more manageable in a very chaotic world that he lives in.

Yes, things like this can at times be frustrating and limiting since eventually, you choose how much normality you'll demand with yourself to have, like having potted plants in the house...or deciding that some things just aren't worth the mess, therefore accepting that other people's "normal" cannot be your own. I cannot lie that there have been times when I've grumbled either in my heart or even outloud about the fact that we can't have flour and cornmeal in the kitchen, toothpaste out from it's hiding place and the forbidden cleanser that can be emptied across the surface of the entire bathroom in a matter of seconds. This has been another test for us that materialism is much less a priority and is never to take presidence in our life over the relationships, needs and desires of the one's that are in our lives, especially our children. Finding ways to store items away so they aren't in plain view or even making decisions to not have them in our home has been a worth-while sacrifice to minimize the stress between Levi's curiosity and our sanity.

Over the past couple weeks, we have been trying to absorb the reality of the positive changes that are happening with Levi and how it is affecting things in our home and even ourselves. It is absolutely mind-boggling and I'm quite sure we've only begun to really see the changes that are already taking place.

Levi isming with one of his favorites...Easter grass!

Four months ago, Levi spent the significant part of his day stimming...usually by flipping books or finding something to get into and make a mess with. What this meant for us in layman terms, is we had at least 12 major messes to clean up in the house somewhere, every. day. The kind of messes I'm talking about most likely are not the kind of messes you may be use to. Lets take a closer look (lol). I'm talking about having to vaccuum every piece of furniture off in the room. Twice. Dusting off the piano, mirrors, TV, coffee table...I mean, dusting off the powdered sugar. Yeah. Or wiping off the butter. Or, maybe just ignoring the coffee grounds on the couch because you're so tired of cleaning them up. Or, maybe even just dusting off the part of the couch you want to sit on. Remember, not because he was trying to be naughty, but rather a way of coping, being curious, a way to learn and to have sensory input. But it *can* begin to feel that way.

Levi might make a mess once a day now! Some days, not even one. And I'm not talking about the fact that we spend the better part of most weekdays in the playroom. In the past, Levi would not have lost any time at all finding a mess to get into as soon as we came into the house.

So, when I realized this, it felt major and I decided to do a test. One that could have been a catostrophic mess if my test had failed! With the cooler weather blowing in, my huge fern from the front porch was put into the basement. I knew it wouldn't last long in the dark dungeon, so I had Christian, my 17 year old son, bring it up and put it in front of the window in the sitting room, more fondly called "the red room".

That was 3 days ago.

It's still there. Intact. Dirt and all. Levi has not touched the plant. One time, he went over and got a few dead leaves off the floor and threw them on the couch...that was immediately after it was brought up. I called him into the family room and he hasn't seemed interested since.

I have a beautiful fern in my house.

But...

What is this saying for our Levi? What does this mean for him?

Levi and I putting a puzzle together. Puzzles are very motivating and very gratifying for him.

Trevor was watching a video of Levi and I putting a puzzle together in the playroom the other day. He was amazed at the quiet, calm, thoughtful little boy as he would look at a puzzle piece, then the puzzle and then fit the piece into the finished part on the floor. He commented at the fact that we were, in many ways, seeing who Levi really is for the first time. With so much sensory overload so much of the time, we had a little guy who ran back and forth from one room to the next, pausing only long enough to get into a mess, loud and rambunctious, jumping from the couch to the coffee table then back to the other couch. Loudly. Levi being in a distraction-free environment, is actually leveling him out and in turn, he is being able to handle his normal environment inside the home in a way that seems much more typical.

Levi being sad because all the balls were out of the pit.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am to see my little buddy having the kind of relief he is experiencing and seeing him enjoy a learning environment makes my heart feel overjoyed!

If you are an Autism parent and have not had the opportunity to be a part of Son-Rise, I would do some research and begin implementing some of the basic principles of the program with your child. We have been doing Levi's program for almost 3 months now and are having earth-moving progress!

I know it's a tough time of the year for many, with it being the Christmas season, but if you are looking for an investment, Levi would be a great kid for the investment and will have big returns! :) Once we put the downpayment on Levi's Therapy Dog, we will have just about depleted his funds. We try to keep new and exciting therapy toys in his room to provide a constant sense of motivation, so I have a toy registry for him also! I am in the process of updating his registry so if you're interested in purchasing something for him from his registry, give me a day or so to finish. Thank you so much for supporting us the way you have over the past year. There Is NO way we could have gotten this far without all of you!

Happy Holidays to all of our family and friends!

<3 Angela, Levi's Mommy

Can I Be Your Hero?

Levi letting his littlest sister, Gemmie, give him a kiss. He adores her!

 Levi's playroom is almost completely finished! We're far enough along that we've been working in there with him for about 2 weeks. Although we have only been in there a couple hours each day up to this point, Rebekah has worked with him the most. She has been doing a FABULOUS job!! Rebekah and Levi have a really special connection and it is so special to sit at the observation window and watch him interact with her. <3

 Last night, we were having a feedback pow-wow and hashing over the Son Rise principles and how to better implement them, not only in the playroom, but also in our daily living. I'm really glad that we decided to go ahead with our two-way mirror, especially right now, since Foscam sent us the wrong camera's. So even though we're a bit behind on having our camera's installed, we still have the benefit of observing each other working with Levi, through the window. This is also helpful because it enables us to give each other training and feedback.

 As we talked about Levi's program and the different strategies and games we could use in the playroom, and watched several Son Rise YouTube video's, Trevor had a sudden brainstorm!

To give you a little background, our family has a business that utilizes several web-based shops to sell our products. I happen to "man" one of those shops. When I opened this shop, we we're surprised at how well it did fairly quickly. This shops brings in roughly, about one-quarter of our monthly income, and as a result, it takes up WAY more than one-quarter of my time.

So the brainstorm...Trevor looks at me and says, "Angela, shut your shop down and dedicate all of your time to Levi in the playroom. We can trust the Lord with the income that won't be coming in from your shop. Levi is more important.". That's what he said...very matter of factly.

I froze. Just shut it down? We really do need the money coming in from this shop. But Trevor knows me. He knows I'm willing to do whatever I need to do to help in any area where I'm needed. But, he also knows my heart. This was all I needed to hear. And a burden was lifted, because I wanted to be with Levi and was trying to figure out how to schedule my time properly so that I could do it "ALL". And it wasn't working.

I made short order of the whole thing and before I went to bed last night, I had the entire shop closed down. :)

 Levi and I playing a game in the playroom, taken from the observation window.

My first session in the "playroom" today with Levi was awesome. I wrote a new friend of mine, who is also a Son Rise Mamma, an email today, and I told her,"It was amazing spending time together like that, in our own world. It's like time stops, and all that matter's is building relationship." I've heard other mamma's describe their time in the playroom with their beautiful children feeling somewhat "magical". Now I understand. There's something about being in a place that totally shuts out the world around you, and allows the focus to be on what is most important at that moment.

Holding Levi's hands to give deep pressure between his fingers.

 As I got ready to go into the playroom this afternoon, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror putting my hair up. I was excited but I also felt a determined, seriousness about myself. And then a thought crossed my conscience. I loved the thought so much, that I looked at myself in the mirror and spoke it outloud.

"I want to be Levi's hero."

 I can't help but LOVE the way that sounds, but I think what I love so much about it is the reality of what it means! I want Levi to trust me. To trust me so, that he knows I'm not going to push him too fast. To trust me so, that he knows I'm not soley looking for performance, but that having a relationship and deep connection with him is what I want more than anything...while all along, hand-in-hand, we'll be slowly inching across the bridge that connects his world to ours.

 If you're an Autism Daddy or Mamma and you need some encouragement today...YOU ARE AWESOME AND HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO NURTURE A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD AND TO BEGIN BUILDING THE BRIDGE TO YOUR CHILDS FULL POTENTIAL AND HAPPINESS! AND not only that, but our children let us know exactly what they are capable of and just the right direction they need to go. No matter what the level of recovery is for our children, we have an amazing opportunity to make all the difference in the world for them.

GO FOR IT WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!

Be determined.
We have what it takes.
Deep and unwavering love.
We have the kind of faith that can move mountains.
We can go as HARD and as LONG as we need to, because when we are weak, our God is strong!

And, we have a goal...

We're going to be our children's hero!

Thank you so much for coming to see how things are going with our new Son Rise Program. It means so much to have so many friends who care about our progress and give us such loving support!

<3 Angela, Levi's Mommy

Levi's Playroom Coming Together!

Going into the basement is NOT something I like to do very often. And the reasons are numerous. To list a few, it's unfinished, it's damp (kind of like a cave and kind of smells like one too...lol), the ceilings are low, and there are water pipes and duct work ALL over the place. EVERYWHERE you look, there are obstacles.

After thinking on it for months, the basement seemed the most economical place to close in a room for Levi's Playroom. EEEK! But what about all that "stuff" down there?? SO, we formulated a plan! Change what we CAN change, and either work around or use to our benefit what we CANNOT change. So, out came the scrub brushes, brooms, mops, bleach, big black garbage bags, a trailer hooked to our 15 passager van, a dump run and that all equals a whole LOT of elbow grease!

This morning when I was thinking about doing an update on the progress of Levi's room, it occured to me how my basement is such an awesome analogy of our life so often. Along life's path, we face obstacle after obstacle and so often we allow those things to hinder our growth, our progress, our joy.

Going into the basement and taking an honest assessment of what needed to be done in order to accomplish our goals was the first step in the process. Next, making the changes to the things that we could. Then I had to deal with the "unchangeables". This is always difficult for me. There are those things that you just CANNOT change, like the huge metal pipe coming up in the corner of the room, or the duct work hanging TOO low, right above the outside of the room where my observation window is...

...or, in life's landscape, the loss of a dream being fulfilled. Here, when there is absolutely nothing we can do to change the situation, acceptance and trust in our Creator is essential and key to joy and peace of mind in the midst of our situation.

So, here we are building his room around PVC pipe coming in and out of the walls and ceilings everywhere and that one huge metal pipe coming up through the floor and into the ceiling and making a decision to accept them because there is nothing I can do to move them (unless of course I want to live without water coming into the house).

 Levi is so in-tuned with what we are doing. All day, he comes and gets someone's hand and takes them to the basement door. He loves going to see his room being built. He giggles and runs and plays in the saw dust. I love seeing him happy and connected that this is all for him. He knows that we are doing everything we can do to help him. It makes me feel satisfied, knowing that he understands that.

I'll keep you updated on the Playroom progress!

Hugs!

<3 Angela and Levi

The opening for the observation window on the outside of the room.

This will be a play station of sorts. See the pipe there?...lol Have any good idea's on what to do with that???

Our Trip to Son-Rise Mountain

All the Son Rise Parents in our class: Our wonderful comrades in the Autism Journey

So many of you are waiting to hear how our trip went. How do you think it makes me feel to have so many of you either publicly or privately messaging me, wanting to know how mine and Rebekah's trip went?

It thrills me! Period. It's amazing to me that you are EAGER to keep up with Levi, because that is an indication that we are on your mind and in your prayers and that means so much to us.

I have so much I want to tell you about, but for now, I'll stick to the basics.

So, if we had to describe what we "brought back" from our week at the Son Rise Training Center, in 6 words, what 6 words would Rebekah and I use? We had a pow-wow about it, and these are the words we came up with:

Change

Hope

Confidence

Motivation

Excitement

Support

I think I'll break this list down one word at a time over the next few days (or couple weeks) and explain the idea of that word and how it applies.

Ok. So what about CHANGE...how does this idea fit into the scheme of things?

I really think that expanding this principle in regards to Levi will be a huge key for us.

We as parents, love and do the best that we possibly can do for our childern. Sometimes, loving them means coming to terms that a change within ourselves is neccesary in order for us to help our children be all that they are intended to be. Our beliefs and attitudes about ourselves, our children and our lives have everything to do with our ability and effectiveness in helping our children grow. How "do" we veiw ourselves? At the training, I sat in a room with people from 18 different countries! All of these parents deal with some level of feeling like a failure or dealing with guilt because of their childs special needs. These feelings produce beliefs and attitudes within ourselves that make us feel hopeless, inadequate, depressed, frustrated and so on. These beliefs and attitudes render us literally helpless within ourselves, much less allow us to be able to help our childern in a real, effective manner. 

We have basically gotten down pat, that acceptance of Levi "just the way he is", is the best way to show him how much we love him. But somehow, the importance of what is going on inside of us, slipped through the cracks: The irrational guilt in SO many area's, like not being able to understand his needs because he's not able to communicate, the pressure and frustration that we must make Levi act "normal" for other people's comfort, fear of what people think about my child and us, as his parents because of a lack of understanding. So, so many things going on in here!

 It meant so much to me that these things were pointed out to us, not as another source for more guilt, but as a tool to enable us to be the help and support in Levi's life that we long to be. This means that we will have so much more of a focus on giving these false beliefs and attitudes over to the One that blessed us with our precious Levi. God gave Levi to our family, because He knew that we would strive to grow, so that in turn, we could help Levi grow.

We are so thankful to you for giving us the opportunity to help Levi. Now I realize that you were also affording us the tools for our family to grow as individuals.

I KNOW you want a peek into the practical side to our life right now, so I'm going to give you a quick run down of what's going on around here. :) Trevor and some of the kiddo's are in the basement beginning to close Levi's room in this very moment. The original plan was that the room would get finished while Rebekah and I were in Massachusetts. WEEELL, I was told that the entire dynamics of family life meshed with running a business was completely modified once Rebekah and I stepped out of the front door to start our trip. I don't see how that possibly could be??? haha

The trip was great. The training was empowering! Thank God Rebekah went with me. The practical tools we left with are vast, from exactly how to set our playroom up, to how, when and what to join Levi in, how to eleviate tantruming, when to know when Levi is available to learn and this is just the tip of the iceberg! AND, I can't leave out that Rebekah and I came home with MANY therapy and educational toys for Levi's room, to add to the ones that have been gifted by you! <3

Since we've been back, we have patiently been waiting for today, when his playroom would get started. Each day, we have been working with Levi in the little girls room and he is absolutely loving it. I mean he is absolutely LOVING it! Levi is so into his sessions, that he doesn't want to leave the playroom at all. Late last night, Levi came and got Trevor, walked him up the stairs, took him into the little girls bedroom, shut the door, locked it (heehee), and turned around and looked at Trevor with expectancy! He was ready to play! So exciting, because not only is he letting us know he's very into this "play thing" were doing with him, BUT he was COMMUNICATING clearly to us what he was wanting!

One area we are having immediate results in, is with Levi's eye contact.We have been working with Levi for years, so we have had fairly good eye contact, progressively for a while now. Because of this, I wasn't sure if I would really see a dramatic increase in this area. Boy was I wrong! I am seeing what I believe to be almost "normal" eye contact. In other words, instead of seeing lots of referencing, I am seeing much longer contact at once. I'll be putting Levi on a Developmental graph of sorts so that we will better see and track his progress.

I am so excited to start recording some of our sessions with Levi so you can see us in action. Give us some time to finish getting set up. I know you will enjoy watching.

Thank you so much for helping us reach this goal. It feels so good to be where we are, brimming over with excitement, daring to dream "big dreams" once again, that we will climb GREAT HEIGHTS with Levi!

We love you so much,

Trevor, Angela, Loran, Caleb, Mary, Rebekah, Christian, Amelia, Elisha, Abigail, Levi, John~Micah, Alyssa and Gemmie

Swaddling, A Gentler Approach to Restraining a Child

Our trip to the dentist office the week before last really made me wish I had been a little more prepared for that visit. I was so sure that Dr. Moody wasn't going to attempt to put Levi's full crown back on his molar, but I was sadly mistaken.

Over the past several weeks, Levi decided he didn't like the crown that Dr. Moody had repaired his molar with 2 years ago.  I looked at what Levi was "picking" at in his mouth so many times, but never saw anything that could be causing a problem. Several weeks later, I walked into my bathroom, and there his crown was laying on top of the sink. I knew it looked familar, but couldn't place what it was right away. But then, Levi's tooth came to my mind, and a quick trip through the house to find the little thing proved me right. He had managed to get it off!  So he had been slowly working it off his tooth. It reminds me of a prisoner digging an underground tunnel slowly to freedom, you know, like you see in the movies! I have to think that for some reason, it was really bothering him and he decided to handle it. I would say he was pretty determined!

Back when we had Levi's crown put on, he had other obvious dental work that needed to be done. Because of our inability to be able to reason with Levi and his high level of sensory overload in this type of setting, our only option was to have it all done at the Children's Hospital while under anesthesia. Because of the fact that Levi hadn't had any dental work done since then, I reasoned that we would need to put the crown back on the same way.

And I was wrong.

And the following 20 minutes, after I realized I was wrong, was way more stressful than I would have liked any one of us to go through.

Dr. Moody assured us we could all hold him down, and this is when I had wished I had been more prepared. It took me, Caleb, Rebekah, a nurse and Dr. Moody to hold him down. It was one of those times where I really had to assess if we really had to do this. I had traveled too far and Levi's tooth had already been exposed for 10 days, since it took that long for the office to get us in. It had to be done.

Holding a 9 year old child down, trying to keep his arms and legs from flailing around and trying to keep his entire body from twisting back and forth was not easy, and it definitely was not safe. It really wasn't safe for any of us, but especially Levi. I still can't believe he didn't get punctured in the roof of his mouth with one of those "tooth pokers". I did not like what we had to do at all. It convinced me that from now on, I will always be prepared when going to doctor's appointments.

When we lived in Florida, Levi had to go to the Emergency Room. When they told us that they would need to draw his blood, Trevor and I looked at them and said this would be the biggest challenged they had encountered in a while (to say the least). I was so thankful that the head nurse was a well seasoned older nurse that had a whole bag full of tricks, and the one she taught us that night has saved us from many more experiences like the one we had at Dr. Moody's office a few days ago.

She taught us the art of swadding a child that needs to be restrained. It is much gentler than any other form of restraining that we've come across. I wish we had known this when we first started having little ones. One of the awesome things about swaddling, is you can do this with older children. When I swaddle a child, I explain to them that it will keep them safe and help them to feel safe.

An oversized baby blanket works well for infants. A twin size, flat sheet works great for a larger child. Ideally, you would want to fold the sheet so that it is about as wide as the child is long from shoulder's to feet.

Here I am using my Mobi Wrap and I am swaddling Alyssa as if she is getting her blood drawn. Just leave the arm out that they will draw from. In the case of Levi getting dental work done, I would have wrapped both arms, making sure his arms were straight down while swaddling so that he couldn't pull them up and out during the procedure.

If you get the first wrap right...snug, and with the arm(s) straight down against their body...it makes the rest of the wrapping much easier.

As you wrap, make sure that it is snug enough around the legs. It will make it much easier to control kicking if the child is being super resistant and struggling a lot.

Here, the swaddling is complete with legs close together. This is much safer to restrain the child than simply holding them down. I hope this helps the next time you have a little one who needs be restrained at the doctor's office. 

We'll be leaving for the ATCA for our Son Rise Start-Up in just two weeks! We are very excited, and we're so much looking forward to what we'll be learning, and then coming home and starting Levi's program. We are still raising money for Levi's therapy room building. If you would like to make a donation to Levi's Mountain, just click on the "donate" tab at the top of the screen. We're so grateful for all of the people who have been so supportive and caring through this year as we've been campaigning for Levi's Mountain. It has been such a blessing to our whole family! 

Angela, Levi's Mommy 

"Spending" Ourselves on Others

Well...Rebekah and I leave for the Autism Treatment Center for our training to set up our SonRise Program for Levi, in 11 days. I can't believe it’s coming up so soon. It's only been just a couple times that I'm being able to recall leaving the family for so long!

 Originally, I had planned on taking Gemmie and bringing "big girl" baby sitters to stay with her while we went to the training. Then we decided she would be better off being home in her own environment for so long. Plus, car rides are hard on her still (and me ;)) So, I'M GOING WITHOUT MY BABY! (panic) I'm really trying to be practical about this, we need to be able to focus on this training...and she will be well taken care of.

 We had 700.00 to raise still when we had our last Old World Auction with all proceeds going to Levi's Mountain. We were able to raise over 1,000.00. The trip in a nutshell is totally covered (and a little extra for any surprise expenses).

 I am so aware of the "God Factor" here in the middle of all this, but He used our friends here to make it happen and we are deeply thankful to you all!

 So, his therapy room is the next project...and we have to get on it quick! We wish we could have this nailed down and ready for him by the time we get back from the training...but I'm not sure that's going to happen. We do have some idea's. There is a prefabricated building business that I'm going to stop by on June 12, and talk to the owner. I'm going to see if they get repo's. We may be able to set something up relatively inexpensive and we may even be able to get the supplies donated for the project.

 Would you please keep this project in your prayers? Doing Levi's therapy inside the house will work temporarily only...and may not work at all. Our home is not only very "un-soundproof", but there is way too much going on in our home (with 14 people) for us to be able to give him a distraction-free environment.

 ok...I am excited about this, but I'm starting to get the sense like I just dove off into one far end of the ocean and now...I'm just gonna have to swim! I know that God will give us the leading and grace to give Levi all that he needs! And that IS exactly what that is called, by the way. G R A C E. God is in the business of expanding our "abilities" and “resources” when we are wondering if we have what it takes.

 We all have some sort of a “life work”. Something that we feel is worthy to totally “spend” ourselves on. For me,

I’ve chosen my family as that life work. Yes, it IS a worthy cause. I’m not saying it isn’t hard or that sometimes I don’t fail or feel selfish, because it is…and I do. But it’s what my heart’s desire is. I want to give my family what God has intended me to give, to equip them with the tools to be successful in His Eyes. The awesome thing is that when we feel like we have given everything we have, He fills us up again…just so that we can keep giving. We don’t have to pull this “giving our all” thing off on our own. He has plenty of grace for us all. We don’t have to function in our own strength!

 So here we are, back to Levi. Even when it feels overwhelming and doubts and fears try to tackle my thoughts…We can do this! Perspective comes when we choose to BELIEVE that God IS who He says He is and that He WILL do what He says He will do!

 I love it!

Levi's mommy, 

<3 Angela

Serenity

Have you ever woke up way earlier than you'd like, and just couldn't go back to sleep? Well, here I am...with all kinds of idea's swirling around in my head. Mostly about Levi. I was thinking how sometimes we take things for granted without even realizing it. At least I have. I've taken for granted that all of my children, except one very special one, have been able to, for the most part, learn with ease everything they've needed to learn through their different stages of development. Maybe some things were harder to learn than others, but they've learned them.

 For Levi, it has been difficult learning things, that to a typically developing child, learns naturally.  Levi is 9 years old and still cannot do most of his own self-care. I bathe him, brush his teeth, help him wash his hands after he uses the restroom. Levi is able to dress himself, but usually puts his clothes on backwards and doesn't seem to realize it. Levi is still not able to do the academics of a kindergartener...but we're getting very close!

 He has excelled in a particular area this year and has made us all so happy for him! Levi is able to feed himself every meal with eating utensils. It took 6 or 7 years of consistent work at every meal for this, using the hand over hand technique. Now it's completely natural for him to sit down, bow his head (something we did not have to teach him) for the blessing and then pick up his fork and feed himself, even though the bites are humungous! We'll work on that later. For now, we'll take it just like it is, with a big smile! We are so very proud of Levi for being able to feed himself now. He worked very hard to hurdle this obstacle. For Levi, things that may seem small for most children are huge accomplishments and deserve celebration (along with a happy dance!).

 But, he can't talk. Unlike some children with Autism, Levi did not start talking and then regressed. There was, what seemed like the beginnings of language development around a year to a year and a half old. He began with the sound "ma-ma", but it never went beyond that. For me, it seemed that if he could make those sounds, he had the physical ability to speak. I worked and worked with him, especially early in the morning in our bed when we were waking up. There was something in me that felt like if I tried hard enough, I could get him to talk. And, believe me, I tried. Hard. There was something in me also, that felt like a complete failure. And I remember how heavy that failure felt. I felt like I should be able to help him... I feel for the parent that is just coming to terms that their child is not developing normally. No matter how much we want to talk about Autism Acceptance, there's something deep-down, in every parent that wishes that their child was normal. At least I do. Not for my comfort or convenience. Not at all. But for Levi. I accept Levi and love him just the way he is. But it is so very heart wrenching to see him struggle so hard. That's the part I wish I could take away!

 So...What I couldn't get off my mind this morning is this: language is a gift. It is precious. If I could somehow give my words to Levi, so that he could have words, this very minute, I would rejoice in doing so. I would gladly give, so that he could have.

 It's hard to understand why some children naturally learn to talk by the environment of words they live in. They start by making consonant-vowel blends first: da-da, na-na, ma-ma, ba-ba...and then these begin to evolve into words. LindyAnn is making all these sounds right now. And I have to be honest about something, in the backside of my mind, I am worried that she will begin to show signs of Autism. Maybe you wonder why. It's not a lack of faith or an irrational fear. For many parents, having one child with Autism could mean that it may resurface with a second and even third child. It is too common, that when parents have a child with Autism, their chances of having other children with Autism becomes much higher. Over and over I find myself having to choose to trust God here and completely leaving this concern with Him.

So where is the balance here?... because I have to bring myself around to having a proper perspective on where we are with our challenges.

 Recently, I've had the priviledge of meeting a very precious lady. We've talked on the phone and emailed back and forth a few times. In one of our conversations, she told me that she had a precious daughter who was Autistic, Gina. Gina, just a few short years ago, went home to be with the lord. Losing one of your children is so very painful. Gina's mama shared some of her resources with me and in one of the envelopes, was an outline of the program that she set up in her home, for her daughter. I cannot express to you how much this has helped me to gain a fresh perspective and to release some of the burden I have felt with the weighty responsibility we have with helping our Levi.

She named her program, "The Serenity Program", and she built the whole program on the "Serenity Prayer". Yeah, I know, we've all come across this neat little prayer so many times. But until my friend gave this to me, I had never taken the time to read this prayer...and meditate on the words and what they really mean. WOW! You know, it just is not in our power to change EVERYTHING... even when you want to badly enough.

 God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
 the courage to change the things I can,
 and the wisdom to know the difference.

 This is what I needed. We can trust God to give us the wisdom and discerment, not only with Levi, but with all of our children, to train and nurture them in a way that is fully productive, helping our chidren be all they can be. Loving them, and by doing so, teaching our children how to love. We know that doing these things are pleasing to Our Father.

 In light of this fact, and knowing that there are going to be things that we cannot change, communication in some form is possible. Verbal communication is what we're shooting for, because we believe that Levi can do it! Neither we nor Levi are afraid of hard work. So working hard is what we'll continue to do.

Parenting is in no doubt, challenging, but it is one of the most rewarding endeavors Trevor and I have ever experienced!

Angela, Levi's Mommy

Believe in your dreams...

 A new, deep respect has developed in me for "fundraising" this year. A new respect for those who have "dreams" that are too big for them to float on their own and enter the "World of Fundraising". Your dream has to be important enough to even come to that place. And it's humbling. Getting people to "believe" in what you're doing and rallying people to come to your cause is hard and emotionally draining. But when you believe in your dreams...you do what you have to do.

When you believe in your dreams...

Honestly, it was the dreams that made me believe in what we're doing. Two particular dreams.

Both were about Levi.

Both, he spoke.

Both, he said, "Mommy, I love you.". 

I've heard his voice in my dreams.


 Both times, it was so real, and so vivid, it was as if I could really feel him hugging me and feel his warm breath on my face. As I woke up, I had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I wanted it to be reality. Desperately.


 I feel so certain that God gave those dreams to me as a gift.A gift that is the driving force behind doing whatever we need to do to give him the tools. I know deep down that those dreams were *meant* to motivate me and to help me BELIEVE that Levi will talk.

 Levi is such a precious little guy. He melts me right down to the floor when he crawls up into my lap and wraps his arms around my neck. He gets the sweetest little flat "sheepish" smile across his face that would most assuringly put a bright spot in anyone's day. When you celebrate his accomplishments, like wiping his mouth with a napkin at the dinner table, he is so pleased. Yes, he is precious indeed!

 I know we have said a million times, how we are forever thankful to all of you who have walked through this with our family. You have prayed, you have given, you have supported us with encouraging words. Many of you helped get us through our crisis with LindyAnn and prayed relentlessly for her when we didn't know if she was going to be able to pull through. But she did. I believe Levi can pull through this too! I cannot express to you how my heart feels, that we have had so many who have been willing to walk so much of our journey with us. Those of you who are family, those of you who we have only met once or twice, and many of you, we have never met at all... We have grown to love all of you so much. You have become like family to us. 

 Thank you for believing with us.

 Thank you for believing in Levi.

 Thank you for loving our family and leaving an imprint in our hearts!

<3 Levi's Mommy, Angela

An Update :-)

 The sale we had at WalMart on Saturday went really well. There wasn't as many people (shoppers) there as we had hoped for, but all things considered, I think that it was a success. We were able to raise almost $200, which was great for such a short notice event. We want to say "thank you" again to everyone who donated products for us to sell at the event!

 We have lots of goodies left over from the sale: MadeOn Lip Balms, Paperless Towels & Little Wipes, handmade hair bows and adorable feltie clips (you can see examples of the felties here), beautiful handcrafted earrings by Peggy Moody, and some new products from Polder's Old World Market that you can't get in our shop yet! We'll be listing these items on Levi's Mountain (Facebook Group) for sale. All sales will be on a first-come-first-serve basis, so if you see something you would like, claim it in the comments section and message me :-)

Thought we would put some pictures on here from the sale that everyone might enjoy. That is Gemmie and I up there, and Loran and Alyssa down there :)

 Oh, here are those adorable hair bows and feltie clips I was talking about! I wanted to buy one of every design...lol.

 We brought along a lot of utensils from Polder's Old World Market that we made for the sale, and we also had a good supply of baked goods (the top seller, of course). Some of the yummy baked goods were donated :-) Thank you Peggy and Joline!

 Those are some of Gina Jordan's lovely paperless towels and "little wipes" below. We have quite a few of these left, and they will be for sale on Levi's Facebook.

 I cannot believe that we've raised over $4,000 in the last 2 months! Wow! Our goal is to raise another $1,000 before our trip to the Autism Treatment Center of America in June. I know that we can do it! Anything that we end up not needing for this trip will go toward our second goal for Levi...a prefabricated building that we can turn into his therapy room. We could not have gotten this far without so many people's untiring help. I cannot say how grateful we are for that. Thank you all, so much, for climbing Levi's Mountain with us!

<3 Angela, Levi's Mommy

Winners!

 We want to thank EVERYONE who participated in this last fundraising campaign for Levi's Mountain! Each donation was a huge blessing and put us that much closer to our goal. Thank you, thank you, thank you ALL! We ended up having 34 donors and we raised $464!!! We wish that we had a prize for each and every one of you!

Here are the four winners for our drawing!

Kim Fields: Our Best All-Purpose Spoon in  ($28)

Rachel Garner: Our Large Curved Spatula ($48)

Cathie Bullock: Pasta Salad Serving Set ($65)

Erica Hardwick: Spurtle Set of 3 ($75)

Congratulations winners! Please email us at abakersdozenmom@gmail.com and make sure we have your shipping information :) Thank you all, again, for climbing Levi's Mountain with us! 

<3 Angela

Coping with Sensory Overload

 Autism Awareness & Acceptance Month is almost over. Our good friend, Jeff Jennings, sent us a link to a really great article and a group of YouTube videos that do a good job of simulating the sensory overload that autistic individuals experience every day. When Levi is experiencing sensory overload, he may do one of several different things, but most commonly, he will plug his ears and put his pinky fingers in the cornes of his eyes ( which actually creates a pressure sensation and distorts vision, both of which help block out the overwhelming environment, but doesn't hurt...try it :) ) This is a form of stimming, and it's a healthy way of coping with sensory overload. It helps them *not* have a meltdown.

 Meltdowns are when an Autistic person can no longer cope with the overload they are experiencing and they panic. Many times, a meltdown looks like a temper tantrum to strangers, and to people who don't understand what is going on. 1 out of 54 boys have been diagnosed with Autism, so it's an overwhelming percentage in our communities. It can be helpful to remember this statistic when you see a mom with a child that appears to be pitching a fit...she very well may be an Autism mom.

 Here is the link that Jeff sent to us. I hope that you will watch the super short videos and pass them along. They are a great way to increase Autism Awareness and Acceptance.

http://mashable.com/2014/04/23/autism-simulations/?utm_cid=mash-com-Tw-main-link

 If you would like to donate to Levi's Mountain and help us get the specialized training we will be going to in mid-June at the Autism Treatment Center of America, click on the *Donate* button at the top of this page.

<3 Levi's Mommy, Angela

Join this awesome FUNdraiser, and WIN a prize!!!

It's Autism Awareness Month, and our dear friends, Jeff and Angie Jennings, are helping us campaign for Levi's Mountain! They are asking people to donate a single $1 to Levi's Mountain. One dollar bills add up really fast, so we decided to put a fun spin on the campaign and add a GIVEAWAY from Polder's Old World Market!!!

 And, there won't be just one prize! We're offering 4 wonderful prizes for 4 lucky winners. Mother's Day is coming up, and this is a great chance to get something lovely for Mom :)

 So here's how it works. Each person that donates at least $1 to Levi's Mountain AND shares this fundraiser on at least one social media site (facebook, pinterest, google+, twitter, etc.) will get their name entered into the drawing. We will be giving away 4 amazing prizes, which you can see below! From top left (clock wise):

Grand Prize- Spurtle Set of 3 ($75 value)

2nd Prize- Pasta Salad Serving Set ($65 value)

3rd Prize- Large Curved Spatula ($48 value)

4th Prize- Best All-Purpose Spoon ($28 value)

 This fundraising giveaway will run for 1 WEEK! We will be drawing winners next Wednesday, April 23, 2014. We need to spread the word and get as much interaction as possible! If everyone that sees this campaign gets just one more person to donate $1, we would reach our goal of $2000 in just a short time! 

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers! Levi is on his way to claiming Mountain Peak #1!!!

Donations may be made: here. 

Angela, Levi's Mommy

Note: If you have donated to Levi's Mountain in the last 24 hours, your name will automatically be entered into the drawing! :)

We're Almost There: Peak #1 of Levi's Mountain!

"May your dreams be larger than mountains and may you have the courage to scale their summits." -Harley King 

 We are so excited about our trip to the Autism Treatment Center of America! It's coming up really quickly now and we need to wrap up our first financial goal: raising the money for the trip (tuition, travel and housing). We need to raise another $1800-$2000 by May 1st! 

 This is really important, because raising the money for the trip is really only part of our goal! We need to start raising the money for Levi's specialized therapy room- an integral part of the Son Rise Program which we will be starting with him. As soon as we've finished paying for the trip, we'll start raising the money for a pre-fabricated building that we can turn into Levi's therapy room. 

 For those of you who are new to Levi's Mountain: Levi is our 9 year old son. He is a precious little boy who loves to laugh and sing and play outside, but he is severely autistic and completely non-verbal. Recently, we were made aware of a center in Massachusets called the Autism Treatment Center of America, that is having amazing success rates of helping children, just like our Levi, learn to conquer the challenges of Autism and communicate/have meaningful relationships. We are so hopeful that through the ATCA's program SonRise, we will be on the road to significant progress with Levi! 

 Like most programs, the cost of the training we need to start the SonRise Program with Levi is more than our family can swing, so we have been diligently running a fundraising campaign in order to raise the funds we need to help Levi and give him the opportunities he deserves! 

 So many generous people have donated their time, money and even products for the auction we held a few weeks ago! We have raised a lot of money already, but we need your help to keep on moving forward. Every little bit helps. If everyone gave just $1, it would add up to a whole lot of money! We could finish paying for the rest of our trip expenses in no time at all. We would be so grateful if you would pray about contributing to Levi's cause and climbing his mountain with us!!!   

 Thank you all for donating, for sharing Levi's story, and for praying!

Angela, Levi's Mommy 

"One cannot climb at all unless he has sufficient urge to do so. Danger must be met (indeed it must be used) to an extent beyond that incurred to normal life..." -Ax Nelson 

Levi is 9 Years Old Today!

Playing outside a couple days ago.

 Today is Levi's birthday! We've been preparing him since yesterday that we we're going to have a birthday party for him and by the time we went to bed last night, every time we reminded him about it, he would get a cute little grin on his face. This year, he was more aware of his birthday than he usually is. And it was so sweet.

 I can remember every birthday Levi has had and they have all been very hard. I'm not sure that I can explain exactly why, but I'm going to try. I'm not going to use fancy medical terms, just reality with real feelings that any parent would understand. I hope that's OK. From his earliest birthdays, we have desperately hoped that "this" would be the birthday that Levi actually realized we were having a party for him. That he would see that we had presents for him. At least look at them. That it wouldn't scare him when we sang, "Happy Birthday" to him. I'm pretty sure that I have cried at every birthday party we've had for Levi. I cant help but grapple with the gulf between the way things should be and the way things are. And I've worried and wondered, "Can he be happy while not enjoying the things 'normal' children enjoy...like birthday presents?".

 Through the years, we've had to try and maintain a healthy balance between "letting go" emotionally, of our expectations of that "norm", but keeping a passion of hope for conquering the challenges that we are facing with Autism. So much of this, we have learned, has to do with our mind-set. This birthday was easier for me. And I didn't cry (until I wrote this post). This year has been a year of growth for us all. We have had an increasing ability to realize Levi's special gifts and strengths, and although he does deal with some serious challenges, he is over-all, a loving, happy little boy. We have had to realize that in a lot of instances we have a much harder time with these sort of things, than he does. He's just as happy as can be enjoying his birthday party "his way". He doesn't have to "perform" a certain way in order to be happy.

Levi and Mommy at his birthday party.

 So, Levi had a blast today doing the things he loves to do. He rode Baby and Hammer, two of our three horses. He has come to enjoy riding the horses, and expects it to be part of his weekly schedule. He played outside in the mud puddles and splashed water in the sun rays. We had one of his favorite meals...hot-dogs and baked beans. We sang "Happy Birthday" to him very quietly, so he didn't get overstimulated (he still did, a little bit). He had a hard time eating his birthday cake, because it was the climax of the evening, and it was too much of an event for him...too performance oriented. So, we had to just put it away for a while, and he was able to come back to it later when the excitement wore off and enjoy it. He was able to open all of his presents, though he did it very quickly and threw each item on the floor in a exaggerated, methodical manner. He had a funny attitude, like he was humoring us and it was really a bit of nonsense to open presents. We were able to enjoy the humor in it, and let him open presents the way he wanted to. He did seem to pick out a few presents to focus on and have some fun with. His favorite present was a Bible, with a very soft cover, and soft, thin pages. One of Levi's favorite stimming activities is flipping the pages of books. He likes our Bibles the most, much to the dismay of many family members, and we decided to get Levi his own Bible this year. It was a huge hit and I can't think of a better book that I'd like to be in his hands than a Bible. Oh! I forgot, I did cry at this part of the story, but this year, it was tears of joy! Levi grabbed up his new Bible and ran to the kitchen to "flip" it in a quiet place. In 9 years, we finally made a home run on a present. I'm so thankful that the Lord inspired us to buy him a nice quality one that he really would enjoy.

 We love him forever! His kisses are precious and his hugs make me feel complete as a mommy (like Gemmie's ;) I have got to be the most blessed mommy in the world.

 Levi, thank you for giving us a beautiful birthday with you this year.

Levi's birthday cake.

 As always, I want to thank all of you for climbing Levi's Mountain with us. We are getting closer and closer to our trip to the Autism Treatment Center of America in June. We still need to raise $1800 for the expenses of the trip. We appreciate all of the prayers, financial contributions and help with spreading the word about Levi's story that all of you have given, are giving and will give! If you would like to make a donation to Levi's Mountain, click here. Thank you!

Angela, Levi's Mommy

I *L O V E* The Uniqueness of Autism

 I love Levi exactly the way he is.

 I’m not saying I love all the challenges that necessarily have come along with it…but then again, doesn’t God say to count it all joy…Doesn’t He use even the difficult things in our life to produce character?

Romans 5:3 says, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;” I know that the challenges and trials that Levi and the rest of us endure because of his special challenges will produce a beautiful "finished product" in us all. Those very things will cause us to be unique, fine and valuable people set aside for God's special purposes. God has made that promise to us.

 Levi has taught me that there is more to life than meets the eye. The gifts that people with Autism have would not exist without the Autism. Plain and simple. Did you know that you can actually bend  the stream of water coming out of a faucet? Neither did I, until Levi showed me one day. This day was a true awakening for me. It was when I realized that if I would take the time to enter into Levi’s world, I just may realize why he did some of the quirky things he does. It also helped us realize that his world wasn’t all doom and gloom either. Because a lot of the things that Autistic people do really are different and quirky, most of us fail to realize that there is a real reason they’re doing those repetitive behaviors, called stimming.

  So, Trevor and I came up with a Polder Family definition for Autism:

 Autism-  a unique circuitry of the brain, gifted to individuals, whom God has chosen to fulfill His purposes through those special talents and abilities that only Autistic individuals possess.

.

 I know, it probably won’t make it into a modern version of some well-known dictionary, but we needed to do this so that we could pin down, in a sentence, how we really feel about Autism.

   

 We first realized this concept when our son, Caleb, now 22, experienced serious reading difficulties as a child. I tried so hard to teach Caleb to read. I couldn’t understand why the same teaching techniques I had used for my other children simply wouldn’t work for Caleb. Keeping Caleb’s self-esteem intact through this process was very important to us, so we made sure that he understood that his inability to read had nothing to do with his intelligence. The fact that he was extremely intelligent couldn’t have been more obvious, since he had the ability to understand how anything electronic or mechanical (or pretty much anything) was put together and how it worked. We saw at a very early age that he was extremely gifted. Although we knew we would have to figure out the problem with reading, we kept a strong focus on his awesome talents and abilities. In the middle of trying to solve this mystery, we also kept the idea in the forefront that all children have a style of learning and that the problem we were encountering was really a problem with ourselves and less of a problem with him. The answer was going to be how to figure out his style of learning. Funny, because I didn’t totally understand this, but there was something in me that knew we were the key.

 Caleb is Dyslexic. Yes. It’s a sort of a label, but is that really all that bad? It’s just a tag we’ve put on an individual that’s mind thinks in a very different, detailed and intricate manner. Dyslexia can have negative challenges that can be hurdled. But more than that, it is a special gift that some people have been given by their Creator. And it is awesome. Caleb’s Dyslexia, given to him by God, has given him very unique abilities that many of us don’t possess. So many of us “major” only in certain areas. For him, it’s different. He has an uncanny understanding of how to make most anything work. It’s kind of “across the board”. If someone needs an amateur radio fixed…he can fix it. If we can’t figure out how to make an architectural design come together when we’re adding on to the back of the house…ask Caleb, because he can figure it out. I’m serious! And…we’ve given him a name for his multi-talented self, “Wonderboy” (affectionately J). With the proper training from Davis Dyslexia, we were able to identify the proper learning style that he needed, and were able to give Caleb the gift of reading. Caleb is an avid reader now and has been for many years. The details of how we arrived there is a delightful and inspiring story by itself that I hope to put in writing one day.

 Ok, so yes. Dyslexia and Autism are “very” different. But I think there are similarities in the way that God has chosen to allow the brain to develop differently with these persons. They are awesomely gifted and intelligent individuals that God designed this way for some super-duper special purpose.

 God made Levi just the way he is. Our job is to provide the most optimum learning environment that we possibly can, and in the process, to make sure that Levi knows without a shadow of a doubt that his family absolutely adores him and believes in him! God has a special purpose for Levi and I am genuinely excited to see how God’s plan’s unfold in his life. He already has brought so much depth and a new level of selflessness into our lives. He’s also given us a strong sense of determination. I thank God that he has blessed our family by allowing Levi to be a part of us.

 I’m not going to lie. I can't tell you how many times through the years I have watched Levi from a distance, and could not stop the tears from pouring down my face. I have dealt with so much grief trying to understand what it must be like for him to want so badly to express himself and not being able to utter even a single word. Try to imagine what it would be like. I cannot just settle with myself that Levi will always be like this. I’m going to believe that Levi can talk and I’m going to give him every opportunity if I have to move mountains to do it.

 What if God chooses for Levi to stay in a “low-functioning” state of Autism? What if he never talks? What if he never reads or picks flowers for me. What if he never runs from across the yard, yelling, “I love you, Mommy.”? Will it be because we didn’t believe enough? We didn’t pray hard enough…long enough? Maybe, we didn’t speak enough positive statements over him…or, maybe we caused him to be this way by speaking it into existence because we’ve dared to speak with our mouth, "Levi is Autistic.".

 Absolutely not!

 I will never believe anything other than the fact that nothing can happen to us in our life that doesn’t come through the Hand of God.

 Even when we don’t understand.

 We can trust.

That brings unbelievable comfort to my heart.

April is Autism Awareness month. I hope you’ll join us as we continue journaling through the month. We are getting closer and closer to our trip to Massachusetts in Mid-June and we are super excited to be making progress on our goal of raising the money for this trip and Levi’s therapy room.  We would be overwhelmingly grateful if you would consider donating to Levi’s campaign, which we have named “Levi’s Mountain”. You can donate securely through this blog by going to the top of his home page and clicking on "Donate".

Angela, Levi's Mommy <3

A New Way to Wind Down

 Levi has a really hard time winding down at night. Sometimes he'll stay up into the wee hours of the morning. 80% of the time, someone is going to go without a significant amount of sleep (usually Trevor and I...but over the last couple weeks, Levi's brother, Christian has been helping out). We've tried lots of different things, but I think we've come up with a solution. We've moved the crib out of our room and put it out on the landing. LindyAnn is 6 months and has never slept in it. Because of her heart surgery, I just haven't gotten there yet. For now, we'll keep her in bed with us! :) Then, we moved the futon into our room, where the crib use to be. So, Levi is sharing a room with us. It's better this way because if he gets up in the middle of the night I will definitely hear him.

So, we went through some rough nights at first. He still wanted to stay up till 3:00 am.

 Trevor came up with an idea in an effort to help Levi wind down and to break his stimming cycle before he goes to bed. So, what he's doing is when the house starts to settle down, Trevor will spend about an hour with him, one-on-one. I think Trevor is onto something. So far, it seems to be working. Last night, Trevor coaxed Levi to throw a light-weight ball back and forth for about 20 minutes. This is always a great achievement for Levi because his attention span is hard to keep. The trick is for Trevor to stay animated enough to keep his attention and Levi loves it. Levi decided after a while, that he just wasn't interested in Trevor's game anymore, which we expected. Levi at this point needs to have a break. One of Levi's favorite stimming activities is flipping books. So,Levi grabs one of his favorite books (an old Strong's Concordance,HA!) and starts flipping away. Trevor grabs one of the "flippy" books, lays on the floor about 2 1/2 feet from him, and flips away with him. For the first couple minutes, Levi didn't even notice him. Then I started watching him peek over at the corner of his eyes really fast. Trevor became increasingly interesting to Levi. After a few minutes of Levi sneaking peeks at Trevor flipping his book, he slowly "slithered" over to Trevor, with his head directly over Trevor's book and watched him, as if he thought maybe there was something more interesting about Trevor's book than his. Then he layed his head down while looking at Trevor and started stroking his face and smiling at him. It was so precious that I had wished I had captured it all on video.

 This is just so big, because one of the aspects of Autism is that these little guys just don't find us (people) very interesting. This is one of our goals. To be so interesting that he wants to have relationships.

 We'll learn to use this technique more effectively at the SonRise Program. We have about 10 weeks before we go and we are brimming over with excitement.

 Here are some pictures from last night, right after Levi crawled over to Trevor.

Angela, Levi's Mommy